Tears

March 11, 2010, Mom and dad told us the bad news. Bad news of all bad news. That is, no chance for my mom to survive "cancer" due to its complications.

December 30, 2009, she was scheduled for an operation for hysterectomy. The doctor called us (my dad and I) and requested for us to go to the operating room. We were shocked when the doctor told us that they found a huge tumor on my mom's cervix. Then, she was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer stage II-B.

We decided to look for another doctor for second opinion. The second doctor, confirmed the diagnosis and scheduled my mom for lots of laboratory tests.

After that, she was scheduled for radio theraphy and chemo therapy.

After 1 month, she lose weight, I couldn't look at her face, 'coz it feels like it's not her. So pale..

I am used to see her rosy cheeks, her beautiful eyes and her sweet smile. I am used to hear her very loud voice.. but after that diagnosis, all I hear is crying, all I see is tears..

She was hospitalized after few theraphy, she can't stand the pain. Her potassium went down and her sugar went up and down. She'd also undergone blood transfusion.

After 1 week or so, she went back home, a little happy face and a very big hope. She was confident that she can continue her theraphy. But after several weeks, she was rushed back to the hospital, co'z her stromach is no longer accepting any kinds of food, even water.

She'd undergone blood transfusion again and this time, there was a tube connected to her veins for food 'coz she couldn't eat. There was also a tube on her nose, connected to her stomach.

Yesterday, March 11, 2010, my brother fetched me and Stephen at our office to visit our mom. I'm thinking of surprising her 'coz I didn't texted that we were going to the hospital.
But it looks like she is really waiting for us.

She looks fine to me, aside from those tube, she can still talk and she can still move. I'm thinking that she would be discharged soon.

But I was all wrong, they informed us that her illness is no longer curable. Her cancer is now on Stage III-C to 4.

And because of radiation, her intestines are getting smaller. All her organs are no longer functioning properly.

I started to cry, wishing that what I'm hearing are not real. Wishing to wake up from this bad dream...but no,, this is not just a dream.

My mom started to cry, begging us to brought her home as she doesn't want to wait for that "time" to come in the hospital. My dad promised her that he would be talking to the doctor and request for discharged order.

I still can't believe what is happening. My mom started to tell everything she wanted to say. All her "bilins". She also told us how much she loves us.

I can feel that she's ready to come back to God. I know I have to be ready too when that time comes.

But for now, I can't imagine my life without her...

I always admire her for being so brave, so nice and very understanding mother and wife. I know it wouldn't feel the same without her around.

And now, while she's still here, I would try to do everything she wants us to do.. give her everything she wants..


And while she's still here..I know there is still hope.